Two Week Wait

Confession: I am getting my hopes waaaay up there. It is my 6th day of a positive home pregnancy test; and, yes, the lines are getting darker. I haven’t been wanting to write because I don’t want to be excited. I’m afraid that IVF has made me bitter. I see other women’s excited posts about getting their first positive and being so excited to have a baby. I just think, “Suckers. They have no clue that they shouldn’t be so happy right now. It could be nothing. They shouldn’t get so ahead of themselves.” Of courses my mom pulled it out of me. She wouldn’t stop nagging me about whether I tested and I felt guilty outright lying to her when evading the questions didn’t work. This prompted my partner to feel that it was only fair to then tell his family. I also then had to tell all my siblings because I new that my mom would if I didn’t, then we had to tell his siblings. Ugh. It’s just now how I always imagined telling my family the news. I remember my Cousin announced his first baby at our family Christmas gathering. They hadn’t even told my Aunt so everyone was surprised and crying with happiness. I always imagined something like that or all the cutsie announcements for grandparents that you see on Pinterest. Well my announcements went something like this, “So, you know we’re doing another IVF cycle. Well this time, we’re seeing some positive signs. Now we don’t know anything for sure yet, but we have had positive tests for the last few days. Don’t get too excited yet, we really won’t know anything until the beta and then we’ll have to wait two more weeks for the first ultrasound and we won’t really know viability until then. So, yay….” By that time, they’ve tempered the little bit of spark that they did have in their eyes. Thanks, infertility. Forgive this post for being a bit overly negative. Over the last two days, the hormones have gotten me completely out of whack. I’m super irritable and emotional. So, for the sake of you readers who may be wondering what to expect in the future, I will end the HCG-tainted philosophizing here and get right to the symptoms and pee stick pics.

1dp5dt (1 day past 5 day transfer, equivalent to 6dpo (6 days past ovulation)):

HPT (home pregnancy test): FRER (First Response Early Result) negative – Yes, I tested. Yes, I expected a negative.

Symptoms: Bloated and gassy, Irritable and moody, Overly tired (You will notice these as recurring themes) *Note: Constipation & Tender breasts – I had these symptoms every day, but I’m not going to write them everyday to spare you repetitiveness and because I’ve had these symptoms from the progesterone in oil for every cycle that I’ve done.

2dp5dt (If you don’t know what that means see above):

HPT: FRER negative

Symptoms: mild, dull backache, lightheaded, Overly Tired, Frequent Urination (probably because I upped my water intake), gassy, markedly increased appetite

3dp5dt: (Come on get with the acronyms! Or are you not crazed TTCers who are waiting for your BFP during the TWW and are tweaking out on tracking your CM, BBT, CP and CIO as you count DPO and try not to POAS while you can’t BD with your DP?)

HPT: FRER x2 negative

Symptoms: Bloated & gassy; mild, occasional cramping; mild headache; Nausea; Overly Tired

4dp5dt (See now you’re an expert):

I know I see a shadow of a second line on the bottom one!

HPT: FRER x2 negative (but I really, really think I can see a shadow line, for real this time.)

Symptoms: Bloated and gassy (yes, still!); lightheaded; Overly tired; Notably increased appetite

5dp5dt:

HPT: FRER x2 POSITIVE!!!!

Symptoms: Runny nose (Hey, that’s different!); Overly Tired; Irritable (like more than my normal irritable); an pulling/stretching feeling that’s uncomfortable in my low abdomen

6dp5dt:

HPT: FRER and ClearBlue Rapid Detection – POSITIVE!!!! (Yes, I’m going to keep screaming that because I just can’t bloody believe it.)

Symptoms: Moody/Emotional; Bloated; That pulling feeling again; Mild headache; Heartburn (like waaay worse than my chronic heartburn that I’ve had a daily basis for years); Increased Appetite (I am eating like 4 full meals a day when I usually eat 2.5.)

7dp5dt:

HPT: FRER and ClearBlue Rapid Detection – POSITIVE!!!!

No pic of the FRER

Symptoms: Noticeably more acute sense of smell; Runny nose; Bloated & gassy (Let’s just assume that I have that from now on so that I don’t have to keep writing it.)

8dp5dt: HTP: FRER, Rite Aid Digital, & ClearBlue Rapid Detection: POSITIVE!!!!

Both with FMU, no pic of ClearBlue

Symptoms: Runny nose and mild sore throat; Overly tired; frequent urination; mild headache; Irritable; Acute sense of smell

9dp5dt (equivalent of 14dpo):

HTP: FRER x1: POSITIVE!!!!

Bottom one is 9dp5dt

Symptoms: Runny nose; mild sore throat; very mild occasional cramps; Overly tired; Mild headache; Horrible heartburn; Irritable; Acute sense of smell

10dp5dt:

HTP: FRER x1: POSITIVE!!!!

Wha-hoo!! (Bottom one is 10dp5dt)

Symptoms: Extremely irritable, plus the usual suspects: bloated, constipated, overly tired, gassy, soar boobs – You know, keeping it super sexy over at the Impatiently household.) 11dp5dt: Beta Day! ?????

Whoo hoo! Transfer Day. This is the day that hope is at it’s peak, before it takes a nose dive into the “two week” wait of doubt and obsessiveness. I put two weeks in quotes because with a 6 day transfer it’s a 9 day wait, but it still feels like an eternity.

This is my first transfer at my new clinic, and it’s been 13 months since my last transfer which ended in a chemical pregnancy (and was the first time ever that I saw a positive pregnancy test). The clinics are like night and day. I am completely aware that I am in a small privileged minority who are able to get IVF treatment, let alone go to one of these “boutique” clinics. That is a battle that I will fight another day.

I arrived at the clinic an hour prior. They took me right back for blood work and vitals, then to one of the rooms that I go to for morning monitoring. I changed into a hospital-type gown and they had socks and a blanket for me as well. All my stuff was right next to me on a shelf in the room. There was no hair net, and I didn’t have to remove my jewelry. (At the other clinic it was just like prepping for a transfer: clothes/possessions in locker, jewelry off, hair net, moved to a waiting closet, then the transfer was done in the same room as the transfer. It’s all very clinical and cold. My partner was never allowed to be with me, even after they almost transferred some else’s embryos, and I was crying and asking for him. (True story.)

Ok, back to the present: a nurse came in and checked my identity, had me check the info on the hospital bracelet and put it on me. She also gave me some Valium Then she sent in the acupuncturist. Yes, you read that right. They offered to set up acupuncture sessions with an in-house acupuncturist right before and after the transfer. I’ve never had acupuncture before. I tend to think of it as woo. But I’m all in on this cycle, so I decided to give it a go. I felt very relaxed during the treatment, but to be honest I can’t tell how much was the acupuncture and how much was the Valium.

Waiting for transfer

After a 30 minute session, they brought in my partner. This was the most exciting part for me. If this works our future children will not have even been conceived while either of us were in the room, and everything leading up to fertilization happens separately. I was so happy that we could be together for the transfer. He was underwhelmed, but thought it was cool to watch everything happen on the ultrasound screen.

I always freak out about filling my bladder for the ultrasound. It’s painful for me to have my bladder full so I usually under fill it. Not today. It was so full, it was partially blocking their view if the uterus and I was in a ton of pain. They offered to bring me a bed pan, and I was like fuck that shit, “Where’s the bathroom?” I was afraid of emptying too much, so I ended up having to make two bathroom trips before the transfer.

Pre-transfer acupuncture (The room was dark for relaxation, so picks are blurry.)

Once that was taken care of, the embryologist wheeled in an incubator. It looks like a preemie incubator. She had me check my info on the tubes they came from and the petri dishes. Then she showed them to me. One 6-day fully hatched and fully expanded; One partially hatched and mostly expanded!!! What!? I’ve never had even partially hatched blastocysts before. The embryologist said they were beautiful. Of course Potential Impatient 1 & Potential Impatient 2 are beautiful!

Fully Hatched (example, not my actual blast)

Partially Hatched (example, not my actual blast)

The transfer was super quick. (No one yelled at me to relax like my last transfer). I watched the whole thing on the screen. One of them went back into the tube, but they got it in the second time. The whole thing lasted no more than 10 minutes. Then it was time for a little more acupuncture, and we were done!

I firmly believe in the pregnant until proven otherwise philosophy, so I am considering myself about 3 weeks pregnant in this moment. Instead of fighting the urge to test and then giving in (which I always do), I’ve decided to test every morning until the beta. The transfer was yesterday afternoon, so here is my first test from this morning. I know that it’s supposed to be negative, just go with me on this, ok, Reader?

1 day past 6 day transfer (1dp6pt for those of you in the “know”)

Impatiently Infertile

A long struggle for parenthood

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1 Day Until Beta

Transfer Day