Yesterday, the shit hit the fan or rather the IVF hormones hit the fan. I had a lining check on Friday. My lining was 7.8mm which is apparently good, so full speed ahead. All my medications were changed on Saturday morning. My last dose of lupron was Friday night. I continued with 4 estrogen patches every other day and added progesterone, medrol, and an antibiotic.

I took everything Saturday morning and spent the better part of the morning completely naseous, trying to keep it all down. Then, Saturday night the hormone crazy kicked in. As someone with an anxiety disorder and history of depression, it can be a bit confusing when this happens. At first, you think, it’s just my “normal” ups and downs.

I had a an awful day at work on Saturday. I had to run an event and, aside from the naseia, I was convinced the entire time that it was a disaster and I would soon loose my job. By the end of the day, I was able to see that this was not reality.

Then I got home and immediately had the craziest fight with my partner. It was not his fault at all, aside from him thinking that it was a good time to talk about relationship issues. I could not think straight. Everything was bigger in my head than in real life, and I felt very disconnected from my body.

After the fight, I was super worried that I was losing my mind, becoming mentality I’ll. Then my partner reminded me that the exact same thing happened the week before my last frozen cycle last year, to the point that I was even saying some of the same things.

Then this morning I had a crying incident. He wanted to watch the NY Marathon. I really don’t get the hype. I mean it’s exciting for the people participating, but I don’t know why I’d want to each a bunch of people job by. Seconds after I finished explaining this, we arrived on the scene. I took one look at the runners and started sobbing uncontrollably because I was so moved by it. Oi. I also had these random crying spells the week before my last transfer as well. Tonight, I feel all over the place and that weird disassociated feeling again.

So, now I know, it’s definitely the hormones.

I’m now bracing for a week of this. Here we go! I’m at the point where it doesn’t matter what is scheduled at work. I now have no choice except to step back, try to relax, and just go along for the hormone roller coaster with my body.

Also, I’ve always only done progesterone in oil (PIO) before, but my new clinic has me on a combo of PIO and suppositories. Suppositories are even more disgusting and inconvenient than I imagined. So, on top of everything else, I have to deal with a constant feeling of goopiness. Delightful.

The transfer is a go for Thursday. Wheee!