Have Needles, Will Travel

So I traveled to a an international conference this weekend. I finished the letrozole, but am still on daily lupron, estrogen patches, and my meds for anxiety and depression (in the process of tapering off two of them and continuing with one). The lupron was already opened and has to be refrigerated. The nurses told me that the refrigeration is to discourage bacteria growth and not for stability of the medication. She said we’d be ok, if it wasn’t refrigerated 100% of the time, but that we’d have to be extra careful with sanitation when preparing and administering it.

So I had my whole set-up ready to go. First I put the lupron bottle in it’s box then wrapped it in bubble wrap, partly to help keep it upright and partly to keep it from freezing. I packed it in an insulated reusable grocery bag with cold packs. In the outside pocket of the bag, I had a copy of my doctor’s note on letterhead from the clinic and the top of the outerbox where the actual prescription sticker is. A while back, I had to take home a pre-filled needle of medication from the clinic. They sent it in a hard case that zips shut. I kept stored the needles and alcohol pads in their and put that in the outer pocket too. I also had an extra copy of the letter from my doctor in my carry on. I was prepared.

 

 

 

 

 

It turned out to be no big deal. They didn’t even look at the doctor’s note. I just told them that I had a refrigerated medication with me. They put it through the scanner and then did an extra check by just looking inside the main compartment of the bag and waving some kind of sensor near the box of medication. That was it. They also did an extra check of my carry-on, I’m guessing because I had like five prescription medication and a whole bunch of over the counter supplements and things in their. Once we got up to the x-ray machine, the whole thing took like 5 minutes.

Then, when we got on the plane, I asked the flight attendant if they could refrigerate it for me. He said they weren’t allowed to, but he could give me as much ice as I wanted. He also said that we could use the bathroom or he’d clear out the galley when I needed to administer the injection.

Our flight ended up being pretty turbulent and the seat belt sign was on for the majority of the flight. It was a redeye and we had our own row, so my partner did the injection quickly in our seats when no one was looking. Happily, we did not hit any bumps at that moment. I put the cap back on the used needle and put it in an inside pocket of the hard case. Once we got to our destination airport all the bathrooms had needle disposal bins, and I was able to dispose of the needle safely.

One thing that I didn’t think about was the time change. I actually have to do the injection around 2am here to keep the time between doses consistent. This also affects when I change the estrogen patches. I’ve been keeping all the used needles capped and in the hard case. I plan to dispose of them at the airport prior to going through security on our way back.

So that’s the DL on traveling with needles:

  • It’s no big deal
  • Have a doctor’s note just in case
  • Have a plan to safely dispose of needles
  • Mind the time change

FET Update

So I made it through the testing gauntlet. Suppression check looked good and so did my endoscopy (though the biopsy results aren’t back yet). So, I started medications to prepare for FET  #4 last Saturday.

So, for three days I’ve been on an estrogen patch, letrozole, and am back to the daily leuprolide acetate at half the dose I was at before. Apparently the letrozole is specific to a protocol for women with endometriosis. Haven’t started crying randomly yet. (That’s what happened last time I was on estrogen patches.) I’m also in the middle of tapering off of the benzodiazepine that I was on to counteract the side effects of the lupron.

Trying to hang in there and cut myself a break every now and again, but it’s also exciting to be proactively doing something again. I calculated my chances of pregnancy over several transfers. I took a percentage on the conservative side of the range for my chance of conceiving per embryo. I put that at 20%. So each transfer of one embryo, I always have the same 20% chance. legendary item However over time, my chance of getting within that 20% increases. I actually found the formula for this on a website calculated the chance of different bosses dropping loot in WoW. LOL.

Here it is:

1 – ( ( 1 – x ) ^ y )

So, using this formula, I calculated my chances for this transfer with two embryos is approximately 36%. If I transfer all six embryos (not all at once) at my current clinic, my chances are about 74% and if I transfer all nine that I have on ice we’d be around 87%. My partner then pointed out we should include all of our previous attempts (six embryos). That would put us at a total of 15 attempts, each with the more conservative 20% chance of working out. Plug that into the formula and we get a 96% chance. Of course that doesn’t take into account the long journey we’ve had to find the possible cause of our infertility (endometriosis). The treatment of that underlying factor and any other factors that we might not know about.

Still, a girl’s got to hope. I’d say these are some pretty good odds of a legendary loot drop 🙂

By the way, here is that probability formula graphed: my chances are beautiful….
probability graph

Schrodinger’s Pregnancy

#IVFfacts

So “Week 1” of pregnancy is technically two weeks before you even ovulate. I will be 1 week Schrodinger prego on Oct. 26 if all goes as planned. I figure most couples are two weeks away from fertilization at this point and I’ve got six day old blastocysts, so I’m already more pregnant at week 1 than them. This is one way that I cope with IVF cycles. No can know whether I’m pregnant or not, so if nothing else, I get to be pregnant for four weeks, dammit!

My meds finally arrived (with ice packs completely melted). I made a big enough stink that I got not one, but four calls from managers at UPS confirming that I received my package of medication on Monday morning.

Tomorrow morning is my suppression check. (I guess to make sure that the Lupron is suppressing my hormone levels enough?) If all goes well, I’ll be one step closer to staying on schedule.

I also have to get through an endoscopy on Friday with normal results. Apparently daily nausea caused by either eating or not eating is not normal even for someone with a hiatal hernia (which is a fairly common type of stomach hernia).

Get ready for some TMI…. In addition to having a camera shoved down my throat, I also have to drop off a stool sample at the lab in the morning. I have to use this device (see pic) to scoop it into four separate vials. Mor-ti-fy-ing. Not to mention logistically tricky. Could things my relationship get any less sexy at this point? “OK, Hon, we have to drop my shit off at the lab on the way to my transvaginal ultrasound in the morning.”

Sooooo, if all of that goes well FET prep will start this Saturday, and we’ll be off and running.

IVF is a time commitment

Today, I spent over two and a half hours on the phone with UPS. I was trying to track down my refrigerated medications for my upcoming cycle that we’re supposed to arrive today. They gave me the complete runaround. First, they said my pharmacy called them and told them to hold the medication at a UPS facility an hour from my home. I called the pharmacy, who of course said they did nothing of the sort. They called UPS. By this time I’ve escalated to the first agents manager’s manager. He tells me that it’s locked in a truck and no one can access it until Monday, so they can get it to me Tuesday. Round and round we went. Finally, I outlined the cost of not receiving the medication in time, including the cost of a cancelled cycle, replacing the drugs, and missing work time to figure this out. Once they heard the amount, and I mentioned the possibility of involving attorneys, all of a sudden the morning managers are supposed to call me first thing in the morning and get the box to me by noon tomorrow.

Yes, this is an extreme example. However, I feel that an often unacknowledged toll of IVF is the time commitment. Instead of relaxing and perhaps playing Civ VI or reading a book on a Saturday night, I spent it with four different UPS customer service agents. In my time before and after work, I run around the city picking up medical records that have to be signed for in person, going to monitoring hours, and making endless calls to insurance and doctor’s offices. That and I go the therapy one evening a week and touch base with my reproductive psychiatrist twice a month.

Infertility takes a lot from you and this week, I’m really feeling the pain of replacing down time and time with friends with being my own IVF case manager. Is that something that clinics can get? IVF case managers to help coordinate care and figure all of this crap out.

Just Enough, No More

Whew! After three weeks of 10-14 hour days including weekends, I am just a puddle. And I realized that I need to work on doing just enough. When I was in grad school, my therapist counseled me to try to get B’s not A’s. This is great advice for a perfectionist. More often than not, I stressed less and still got A’s. So now I’m trying to apply the same principal to work. I can always imagine doing more, doing better. However right now, it’s important to do just enough and no more.

Lupron update: constant and intense hot flashes, brittle nails, still feeling pretty bitchy and irritable. My partner is just done with the lupron. He’s completely out of patience for the irritability, and I don’t blame him. I am too.

FET Update: I finally have a plan! The transfer is Nov. 9! That’s T – 4 weeks & 2 days. More details to come. In the meantime, I’ve got all sorts of drugs showing up in the mail….

IMG_20171010_190757 (1) I’m starting to get super excited and hopeful again. I’m still waiting on a couple other things to get started. Cycle prep officially starts October 19. Until then, my mottos are:

  • Do just enough
  • Do whatever it takes to get through the day
  • Ask for help
  • Have compassion for myself

Vaginal ultrasound?… NBD

I had my 3D ultrasound today. I was convinced that they were going to do something like squirt gel into my cervix or something. With these tests I’ve learned to always be prepared for the the worst. However, it was just a vaginal ultrasound with a different type of sensor. I was like, “that’s it? That’s easy!” The technician was a bit taken aback, but one thing that becomes routine after years of IVF is random medical professionals sticking gelled, condomed wands up your vagina. It becomes part of your daily routine, no big deal.

Later when the doctor gave the report to my RE she said I had a “beautiful uterus.” Presumably this means that everything healed properly and is ready to go for the transfer. However, it inspired me to play with some filters and create an art series that I call: “Uterus, on standby”

Lol, my partner thinks that my humor is a little too off beat. Your thoughts, reader?

 

#Microblog Mondays: Coloring Zen… or something like that

So after my last blog, things only got more intense at work. I’ve been working from 8:30 in the morning until 10 or 11 at night, plus 6-10 hours on weekends. Yesterday, I finally just stopped. I took one fucking day off and felt guilty about it the whole time. (Have I mentioned that I have issues?)

Part of this is that my career decided to take off, just when I’m planning to have a baby, part of it is an unhealthy worry about being able to support myself, and part of it is because it’s bury myself in work or sit around ruminating about my upcoming cycle. I’m seeing my doctor on Tuesday, and won’t have any new info until then.

Lupron report: hot flashes (annoying, but bearable), hightened anxiety and hyper vigilance, decreased appetite, exhaustion, short-term memory problems, over-sensitive. Here’s a weird one. I read a forum post where someone said they got brittle nails. I was like, I wouldn’t know if I had that my nails already break a lot. As I was thinking that, I banged my hand against a chair by accident (I’m super klutzy) and my nail didn’t just break it shattered above the skin. So yeah, brittle nails. The worst side effect for me, by far, is intense flair-ups of chronic pain.

So how have I been getting through? This has been keeping me sane:

Coloring + snarky = relaxing. Somebody posted this on the Matt & Doree’s Eggcellent Adventure Facebook group. I ordered it as soon as I saw it. Thanks to MeMoments Creative for granting permission to post images and also for making such a kick-ass coloring book. It’s completely theraputic.

So here’s how I spent my Saturday decompressing:

Yes, this silly coloring trend has been keeping me from bursting into tears about all sorts of silly things. Well at least making it happen less often. I highly recommend it.